In Medias Res

My mother is driving me fucking insane. Since when was it okay for you to make my father feel like complete shit. He always feels like he doesn’t deserve anything so he pretty much feels like a waste of space. I’m sorry but I will not in any way shape or form let you treat my father, who has given me everything plus sanity, in that way. You complain like it’s no one’s business just to gain attention. Everyone knows that you are losing weight yet you continue to fish for compliments on how fat you are or how much weight you are gaining. Then if I tell you that you’re not, you continue to then make me feel like shit by saying that I need to lose weight?!?!? Are you kidding me? Would you like me not to eat because if that makes you happy to see your daughter not eat so you can make yourself feel better than fine. I will. I’m happy that you think in this sick and twisted way.

You point out my flaws. Yes I know I have pimples on my face, and NO I DON’T know why they get there. What a stupid thing to ask. But if you were really “concerned” or even embarrassed by my flaws, by all means try to fix them. At this point I will do anything to make you happy. I’m willing to sacrifice my happiness for your happiness. If it will get you to stop yelling at my father then I will make sure that I give you the compliments that you fish for. And, oh, since you scream at the top of your fucking lungs every night because you are so stressed out, don’t worry about me who has to carry the load of your bitchiness day in and day out, being blamed for this and that or how I don’t care about anything. I’m tired of it. I can honestly say that I don’t feel loved by you. Have I tried telling you that? Yes. What do I get? I get a “you’re so full of shit.” Yet you complain, once again, that I never tell you how I feel or how I don’t talk to you. I don’t think you realize that when I do express my feelings to you, it is in no way your place to patronize me and put words in my mouth. The only reason I put up with your bullshit is to alleviate some of my father’s stress. He’s not the one being a bitch all the time, you are. And in my eyes, he deserves more respect because the only thing that you do is yell 24/7. I’m sick of your bullshit mom. I’m concerned for you and yet I’m not. I would never want anything to happen to you because I do love you, I just wish you would show that you love me too… and not materialistically.  And now that I’m bawling my eyes out just typing this, if you see me crying it will start so much more crap so whatever. I’ve stopped caring at this point.